I think I have issues.
I was heading out the door this afternoon to run some errands, but then I spotted a dirty container in the sink and had to delay my exit by five minutes while I emptied the dishwasher, put away the plates and pots and silverware, rinsed the container, and stuck it in the dishwasher. It’s not the anal-retentive nature of the task itself that troubles me, but rather, the reason for this strict attention to detail: I have this irrational fear that, should something serious happen to me while I’m gone – say I get hit by a semi truck and die, for instance – whoever is left to sort through my townhouse would incorrectly assume that I was a slob who thought nothing of leaving a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Which is ridiculous because, if I’m dead, why should I care what other people think about me, anyway? I’M DEAD. Besides, if I’m going to obsess over trivial things like that, I should be more worried about what they’d discover in the bottom drawer of my nightstand.
I’m just sayin’.
One of the stops I made today was IKEA, which I swear is a Swedish acronym for Insane parking, Killer meatballs, Everything’s Assembled. I find the store oddly irresistible, though I rarely buy anything there. The best part of the experience is just walking around. I blame this on the excellent film (500) Days Of Summer, which includes a memorable IKEA scene. Zooey Deschanel could convince me to shop anywhere. I too want to skip through the aisles and pretend to serve dinner in a display kitchen and hold an intimate conversation on a display bed while a random Chinese family invades the bathroom, but I’m usually alone when I go, and people tend to look at you funny if you talk to yourself, a fact I’ve learned – embarrassingly enough – through experience. True to form, I did not purchase anything today, but I did have my eye on a bar with hooks that you mount in the kitchen for hanging coffee mugs from. I only held back because it’s stainless steel, a look that is depressingly modern (and I just wrote about how I prefer vintage decor), but then again I do have a stainless wall-mounted wine rack I purchased there that is quite handy, so I may yet pick it up one day.
I also walked through Home Goods, a store that sells home goods (though where they ever came up with the name is a mystery). I was thrilled to see a big Halloween display there. Now that Portland has finally decided to go ahead and proceed with summer (it’s been consistently hot all week, and now we’ve thrown in humid for good measure), I am even more ready for fall. I have to admit, however, that not everybody feels the same way. I was driving down the road the other day and came across a bunch of trees whose leaves were already turning color. Delighted, I snapped a pic with my phone and posted it to my Facebook wall. The feedback was swift and powerful. People were in denial, insisting the trees were merely in need of a little water. One friend even called me an “@ss.” I’m surprised death threats didn’t follow. Some people, it seems, actually enjoy summer and aren’t looking forward to the start of the long, gray and cool rainy season.
I know, I know. It boggles my mind, too.
Oh! I bought some square white plates this week. I’ve been inspired by the cooking shows I enjoy watching. The chefs always work with white plates so they can concentrate on artistic designs using colorful sauces. While I think the taste of the food is really what’s important, presentation doesn’t hurt. I’ll just have to save those dishes for special occasions where I can actually “plate” something artistic, instead of using them to serve Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese.
And yes, I am rambling.
The things I want to talk about I can’t.
Which explains the glass of merlot at 4:30. I don’t even drink red wine…
Mark Petruska 
” I have this irrational fear that, should something serious happen to me while I’m gone – say I get hit by a semi truck and die, for instance – whoever is left to sort through my townhouse would incorrectly assume that I was a slob who thought nothing of leaving a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Which is ridiculous because, if I’m dead, why should I care what other people think about me, anyway? I’M DEAD.”
Bwhahahahahahahahaha! OMG…that CRACKED ME UP, MARK!
Only because (once again) you remind me of ME! I do the SAME THING! I cannot leave my apartment in the morning, not only without the dishes being put away, but also everything in its proper place. I truly think I’m a spawn of Joan Crawford!
“, which I swear is a Swedish acronym for Insane parking, Killer meatballs, Everything’s Assembled. I find the store oddly irresistible, though I rarely buy anything there.”
Hilarious! Yeah, I too enjoy walking through IKEA, but rarely purchase anything. In fact, I just got their fall catalog.
And of course, I too am looking forward to fall and those long, gray and cool rainy days. Also, snow. I’m so ready for summer to be over. However, it’s been unusually cool these past two days.
GREAT post, buddy!
P.S. I’ll be having my glass of Cabernet in about hour. Cheers!
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I’m not QUITE as OCD as you are, Ron – but I have my moments! I’m beginning to think you and I were definitely cut from the same cloth.
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Guess what I’m holding in my grimy little hand, Mark? That’s right–“No TIme for Kings.” Can’t wait to read it!
Don’t worry–Lots of us are a little OCD–but then I’m crazy, so what do I know!
Kathy
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Whoo-hoo!!
I’m so excited to hear what you think, Kathy. And THANK YOU for your support. 🙂
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Oh to be that OCD, my house would be so much neater. My house is clean, but it’s lived in and has minute amounts of clutter. However, right now I’d kill to be able to give this house a deep cleaning only because I can’t move and am confined to my recliner or my bed.
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It’s annoying, though. It takes me forever to get out of the house sometimes! 🙂
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DO NOT remind me that summer is almost over. I simply don’t want to believe it. I can’t tell you where it went. I don’t even remember being that hot. I need to start the season over 🙂
And I’ve never been to Ikea, but now I want to!
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See? You’re about to send me a death threat, aren’t you, Catherine?
You haven’t lived until you’ve been to Ikea!
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I might…. 🙂 Don’t mess with my summer. I’m going to keep pretending until Halloween. 🙂
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I cant WAIT for summer to be over!!!!
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I’m not surprised an Arizonan would say that!
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How are you still single? Unloads the dishwasher, loads it, loves to shop at Ikea AND buys white square plates? No wonder that belly dancer wanted you 😉
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It was written all over her face, wasn’t it? 🙂
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I have that same IKEA wine rack – but had to take it down when we put up a new IKEA cabinet in that space.
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That’s hilarious, Patti! You can also attach it to the bottom of your kitchen cabinet, something I was also considering doing.
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As many IKEA pieces of “furniture” as I have…I still have not actually gone to the local IKEA store. From what I hear…that one trip will morph into obsessive return visits. 🙂
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You have to go – for the Swedish meatballs alone!
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500 Days of Summer is a fun movie. I understand your need to play house when in IKEA.
I won’t berate you for enjoying fall, it’s my favorite season. I love the colors. But I HATE winter. I would be perfectly happy with just spring, summer, fall.
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I love fall because it’s a prelude to winter, and I love winter. Of course, our climate is considerably less harsh than yours.
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Okay…you had me at the beginning…but then you grabbed me with the “square white plates”…I finally bought some too, as well as small square white plates, square white bowls and square white coffee cups…hah! I bought them at Target…real cheap….hehehe.
I haven’t ventured into IKEA yet, but looking at that wine rack…well…I may just have to. David would be so pleased!
So um Mark, do you carry an extra pair of clean undies in your glove-box?
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I’m not quite that obsessive, Tracy.
Yet.
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Can I tell you this? I’ve never been to IKEA. It’s a sad thing, really, missing out on cool wine racks and all 😦
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You’re also missing out on inexpensive build-it-yourself bookcases and cheap dining room tables. Get thee to IKEA, stat!
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I love Zooey. I recently wrote her a love letter: http://thegoodgreatsby.com/2011/08/19/friday-love-letters-dear-zooey-deschanel/
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What can I say? You have excellent tastes!
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Hey Mark–just want you to know I am REALLY enjoying your novel! I’m only about 50 pages in, but it’s a great story. It has really grabbed my attention and held it! Great work, my friend!
Kathy
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Wow, Kathy – that’s a huge compliment. Thank you so much! 🙂
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I heart Ikea.
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What’s NOT to heart?!
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I’m sorry I called you an ass. *kinda* 😉 It’s just that…I’ve been so excited for the sun to make not only an appearance, but to take off ‘er coat and stay awhile. The humidity did suck, though. I’ll give you that.
I, too, heart IKEA!
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LOL…it’s okay Caryn, I was never offended. I know how much you love the sun!
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