A few weeks ago, I wrote that I wanted a catchphrase – something I could use in any situation that people would come to associate with me. I wasn’t having much luck coming up with anything myself, so I put the call out to my readers – and you guys delivered! Some great suggestions poured forth, but one of them really stood out. Jess Witkins of Jess Witkins’ Happiness Project delivered the winner! I encourage you to check out her blog – she’s a great writer, shares my interest in the paranormal, and sometimes fills her canteen with wine before setting out on a hike. You’ve got to appreciate that sort of creativity! This also explains my recent canteen purchase. Anyway, without further ado – my new, official catchphrase is:
“But have you tried geoduck?”
This is perfect on so many levels! I originally mentioned geoduck in my guide to the Pacific Northwest earlier this year. It’s something that most people haven’t a clue about. Hell, it took me a year or two of living in the Pacific Northwest before I realized it was a clam, and another few years before I knew how to pronounce it correctly! (For the uninitiated – which is probably most everybody – it is “gooey duck.” Go ahead, say it out loud. It’s fun, right? You can’t help but smile!). And that’s why I love the catchphrase. It’s fun to say, obscure enough to confuse most people, and closely associated with the Pacific Northwest. Plus, if you have ever seen a geoduck, you’re guaranteed to bust a gut laughing, and you’ll never forget what it looks like. I couldn’t ask for anything more!
It occurs to me that I’ve never actually tried geoduck, which makes my catchphrase rather ironic. I suppose I should make an effort to taste it one of these days. Cooked and cut up into bite-sized pieces, of course. Otherwise, I don’t think I could do it.
But hey, what a catchphrase! I can’t wait to start using it. I’m imagining all sorts of possibilities. Say I’m chatting with a friend and he’s complaining about the weather. “Man, this rain sucks!” he’ll say.
“But have you tried geoduck?” I’ll reply. And just like that, hilarity ensues.
Or, somebody is upset because the Bengals just lost their home opener. I reply with “But have you tried geoduck?” and all is right with the world! It even works in those inane situations I can’t stand, where you’re exchanging forced pleasantries. You know how it goes. “Hi, how are you?” “Good. How are you?” “Good.” Ugh. I hate the phoniness of that whole transaction! From now on I’ll simply reply, “I’m alright. But have you tried geoduck?” Then it will appear that I’ve at least put some thought into my response. And I think the word “but” at the beginning of the phrase is crucial. It serves as a joiner to bridge the conversation. Otherwise, just asking “have you tried geoduck?” comes across as random.
So thank you, Jess, for bestowing upon me a nifty new catchphrase. And don’t forget that this was a contest! I wrote, Thank you for putting on your thinking caps and helping me out with this! I’ll give the winner a featured spot in my blog – one whole paragraph (!!) to write about whatever his or her heart desires. Jess took full advantage of the free blank white space and wrote about an issue near and dear to her heart. I turn the blog over to her now:
“Hello, Mark’s readers. Lately, Mark has been sharing his realization and rationalization of his obsessive compulsive behaviors. I’ve got those too. But there’s one in particular that I will defend until my last dying breath on this earth (which will probably ironically come from the very cause I fight for). Hand washing. For the love of all that is good and cleanly, please wash your hands! When I am in a public restroom and I hear the toilet flush, and the person walks out and goes straight to the door, I wince. It’s worse if they fake wash their hands, the lazy faucet run for two seconds and out they go. Put a little effort in please, I’m the next one to touch that sink! The ultimate insult is when it happens at my own house. And I live with all boys. My bedroom is conveniently located next to the bathroom, so I hear every beer flush that occurs, and I don’t always hear the sink. I buy nice soap. I buy nice soap so people will know I care about my cleanliness and the cleanliness of my guests. When you’re a boy who doesn’t wash your hands in my house, I begin to hallucinate that there are penis prints prancing around my home. They quickly raid my kitchen and the TV remote. It’s a horrifying sight. So, I’ve taken to adapting my approach when my roommates invite their friends over. I ask them to wash their hands in guy speak. I put pictures of Victoria’s Secret models all over the bathroom mirror with post-it note conversation bubbles that say, “Wash your hands, I don’t want to shake your dick.” It seems to be helping. But the more people who can help me spread the word that hand washing is a good thing, the better. Thank you for your time. I now return you to your normal blogger.”
I can honestly say I never thought the phrase “penis prints prancing” would find its way onto my blog (nor “shake your dick” for that matter), but a deal is a deal! Ladies and (apparently, and especially) gentlemen, please wash your hands after using the restroom! Our health (and sanity) depend upon clean hygiene. Not doing so is too disturbing to think about. It could mean the end of western civilization as we know it.
But have you tried geoduck?
- Geoducks: Monster bivalves worth big bucks (msnbc.msn.com)
- Geoduck adventure could reach the bright lights of Hollywood (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
- Did you wash your hands? (agallantidea.wordpress.com)