This Makes No Scents

I think scented air fresheners are getting out of hand.

Case in point: I walked into the bathroom in my office yesterday, and noticed a can of fluffy vanilla air freshener sitting there. Question: what is the difference between regular vanilla and “fluffy” vanilla? Can vanilla even be fluffy?! It’s a bean or an extract. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Over the past few months we have had cans with scents that included Hawaiian Aloha, Thai Dragon Fruit, Mediterranean Lavender (I guess far-flung geographical locales evoke the exotic, and exotic things must clean better than humdrum things). We’ve had Meadows & Rain, Spring & Renewal, Sweet Citrus & Zest, and Wild Berries & Honey. Apparently, it’s all the rage to pair scents together. But some of these make no sense. Vanilla & Moonlight? Linen & Sky?! I had no idea moonlight had any discernible odor! Or the sky, either. Supposedly, there is a Sizzling Bacon scented air freshener available, though my company has yet to invest in a can of that stuff.Bacon Air Freshener

The whole thing is silly. All we’re trying to do is mask other bathroom odors, right? It’s kind of weird when you walk into the bathroom minutes after a coworker has taken a dump, and you actually start drooling. I have thought mmm…cake on more than one occasion, before realizing I was in a restroom and not a bakery.

None of this makes scents to me.

Speaking of bathrooms and air fresheners, our new apartment is going to have one bathroom.

“One bathroom is fine,” my dad said, when we informed him of this. “Until you’ve had more than one bathroom. You can never really go back after that.”

We had a list of amenities we were looking for in an apartment. Two bedrooms was important. We wanted a decent sized kitchen, a fireplace, a deck or patio, and air-conditioning, too. Those were the basics; anything else was gravy. I pushed for a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment, but Tara preferred the one-bathroom layout on the model we ultimately chose because the tradeoff was a bigger closet in the main bedroom. Never come between a woman and her closet, I have learned.

So I figured, the second bathroom wasn’t a big deal. Until I started to think about all the times I take advantage of having a second bathroom, and started to panic a little. Because let’s face it, sometimes you want a little discretion when you’re doing your business. And that’s hard to come by when you are answering nature’s call and there’s a knock on the door urging you to “hurry up, already!” A scenario that has never once occurred because we have three bathrooms currently. Then, what happens when you reach for that can of Fluffy Vanilla air freshener, and it’s – oh, the horror! – empty?! Or what if Meadows & Rain is no match for the corned beef & cabbage you just ate? So, you can see my consternation. Downsizing to one bathroom is going to be tough.

(By the way, I guess I never officially blogged about this, but we got an offer on the townhouse. A cash offer. It’s less than our asking price but more than the bank wants for the short sale, so we accepted. We are currently awaiting approval from them, and then the closing process can begin. This explains why we applied for an apartment, in case you were wondering).

We should be moving on March 14. Our six-month anniversary. And there’s our lucky number again…

Speaking of lucky (second smooth transition in one post!), I finally got my share of snow. And then some. When last I wrote, we had received 4″ of snow Thursday afternoon, and a second storm was bearing down on us. We left work at noon, and Tara and I met up for lunch before heading home. That would turn out to be our last contact with outsiders (save for a brief trip to the grocery store Saturday morning) for a couple of days.  Snow fell all afternoon Friday, and then a third snowstorm moved in Saturday morning, and lasted throughout the day. All told, we got about 8″ followed by a layer of ice when the snow turned into freezing rain Saturday evening. I love snow, but freezing rain is treacherous and had us trapped indoors the remainder of the weekend. By the time Monday rolled around, I was actually glad to get to work. It felt that good to leave the house!

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Published by Mark Petruska

I'm a professional writer and editor living my best life in south central Wisconsin.

24 thoughts on “This Makes No Scents

  1. LOL @ drooling at the air freshener scent in the bathroom. That kind of bugs me too. I have the same thing with lotions and soaps. I’m all for smelling fresh and clean, but I don’t want to smell like foods in general. Even nice-smelling foods. And especially desserty foods. I had to tell my mom not to treat me to any more fancy shower gel unless it was floral scented… after all, I would love to eat a slice of key lime pie, but I’m no so much into trying to bathe with it!


    1. Good point! I should have mentioned shower gels. I was using one that smelled like a fruit salad. I stopped buying it when I realized I couldn’t help but lick my arm after toweling off.


  2. Ok, I’ll admit I have gone a bit overboard on the bathroom plug in fresheners. Have you seen the National Park scents? LOL….there’s Denali which is described as Soft Cotton Grass & Spring Air and Cape Cod’s Cranberry Harvest. I’m waiting for Smoky Mountain Skunk.


    1. Old Spice makes a line of deodorants with a similar theme. I’ve actually been buying the Denali, lol. Can’t say it reminds me of soft cotton grass and spring air, though. Maybe I haven’t been paying attention…


  3. I think companies try to make things sound romantic…but seriously? Bathroom freshener does not have to sound romantic. How about something more direct…like “POOPSmellbegone!!

    I love the layout of your new place and I really understand your concern about downsizing to just one bathroom. Having two is just so much simpler and PRIVATE. Who wants to hurry when you have games to play on your smartphone?!?

    Loved all your pictures…really beautiful!!


  4. One bathroom would scare me! But I have 3 boys & a husband 🙂 oh God, just thinking about it makes me cringe! But u & Tara will be fine! And just think how nice it will be to only clean ONE bathroom!


  5. “cans with scents that included Hawaiian Aloha, Thai Dragon Fruit, Mediterranean Lavender…”

    HA! I know Mark, can you believe some of the NAMES these air fresheners come up with!?!? The best and only air freshener I use is Febreze. I love that stuff because it doesn’t mask the odor, it neutralizes it.

    And the Bacon Freshener? NOT!

    “(By the way, I guess I never officially blogged about this, but we got an offer on the townhouse. A cash offer. It’s less than our asking price but more than the bank wants for the short sale, so we accepted.”

    GREAT news! I knew you were going sell fast!

    And yaaay! Glad to hear you got your snow! We’re supposed to get a huge snowfall tomorrow.

    Love your photos. Especially the one of the icicles!


    1. Those are all Febreze flavors! Err…scents. Febreze scents. I always thought Glade was the king of air fresheners, but apparently Febreze has since passed them by. At least judging by all the cans in the storage closet at work.

      Hope you get your own big snowstorm today! Believe it or not, just about every last trace of snow is completely gone now. You would never know that 48 hours ago the roads were ice-packed and treacherous. But it got up to 50 overnight, which means, bye-bye all signs of our big winter storm.

      Naturally, I’m already jonesing for more…


  6. Well I can only offer this suggestion, Poo-Pourri Royal Flush to be sprayed into the toilet after you have finished your business. I keep this in my guest bath downstairs for those embarrassing times a guest can’t wait till they go home.

    Congrats on the sale, hope the bank accepts the offer and you are off to your next adventure.


  7. Congrats on selling off your place! I know this is late but the Olympics kidnapped me & I’m busy trying to get caught up with my reading & appealing the rejection of my disability benefits. 2 bathrooms are a must, man! Trust me, it’s only going to get worse with 2 ladies in the house now.


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