This Valentine’s Day, I would like to pen an ode to my love.
Mustard.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a big fan of what I consider this most under-appreciated of condiments. I always liked a healthy squirt of the stuff – French’s Classic Yellow, of course – on my hot dog, and burgers just weren’t the same without it. And a dollop on a soft pretzel from the mall? Mmm. Divine. Hell, whenever I played Clue, I always chose the character of Colonel Mustard! If he was caught in the library with a candlestick, that was a real bummer.
Sadly, not everybody is as fond of mustard as I am. In the condiment world, mayonnaise is the new king. Rounding out the top 5: ketchup, soy sauce, barbecue sauce, and hot sauce. Mustard comes in at a disappointing #6, slightly ahead of steak sauce. WTF?! I wouldn’t give A-1 to my dog! (Confession: I don’t own a dog. But if I did, I wouldn’t give him A-1. Also, if I owned a dog, I’d totally name him Rover. Because, as cliche as that is, have you ever actually known a dog named Rover? Neither have I. But I’m getting real off track now).
Anyway, mustard. I suppose I should be glad that it ranks well ahead of, say, mango chutney or tartar sauce. But that feels like a hollow victory. I love it so much, I feel like everybody should love it. Here’s proof of how much I love it – I opened the refrigerator door and found the following :
Seven bottles and jars of mustard? Even I was surprised to find so many in there. But in my defense, they’re all different! No wonder Tara rolls her eyes whenever I buy a new jar. At least I use them all!
I remember the first time I had mustard with an unusual pairing. I ordered a tuna sub from Subway, and they automatically slathered mustard on there. I might have protested – after all, that is a weird combination, even to this most ardent of mustard aficionados – but didn’t realize this until I took a bite. I was like, What the…mustard?!…that is just wro…err…whoa…that is delicious!
And my obsession began.
Classic French’s morphed into so much more. Dijon came first, thanks to the “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” television commercials that were so popular while growing up. I tried mustard/mayo combos. Aiolis. Chunky mustards, brown mustards, spicy mustards. When we go out to eat at our favorite German restaurant, I often choose the sausage platter just because it’s got a scintillating trio of three mustards, including a bier one. I buy mustards pretty much everywhere mustards are sold. Two of my latest discoveries? Dill, and jalapeno & white wine. Both are delicious.
Oddly enough, Tara does not share my enthusiasm for mustard. She’s a ketchup girl, which is fine and dandy. I like ketchup, too. But I like ketchup AND mustard. Throw in a little mayo as well, and you’ve got the holy trinity of condiments.
It’s the same with pickles. At any one time, there are at least three jars in the fridge. I’m very particular about my pickles: I like kosher dills. Garlic and spices are fine. Sweet pickles are revolting. And relish should be abolished permanently.
What foods are you obsessed with?
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Mark Petruska 
I don’t like mustard or catsup (ketchup). Mayo all they way. Love sweet gerkins and I love sweet relish on my hotdogs. On my fries? Mayo, catsup and dill juice…yeah baby…Fry Sauce!!
Mayo has to be mayo and not that salad dressing crap. (Sorry, Carol…I know how much you love the whip but…blech!!)
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See, I just don’t like sweet pickles. Or hot pickles. They’ve got to be dill and/or kosher. But fry sauce is something I can dig!
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Give me miracle whip anytime-never mustard.
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Oh, mother….
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Interestingly, Sara has her own mustard obsession. In fact, she eats yellow mustard on her eggs. Here, mustard variations are not easy to find, but I bet we have 5 in our frig as I type this. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Tara!
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
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Can’t say I’ve ever tried mustard on eggs, but I do like a fried egg on top of a burger, and a burger has to have mustard, so…I get it! It’s like the Kevin Bacon six degrees of separation game.
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Have I got exciting news for you! Did you know there is a National Mustard Museum? It is located in Middleton, Wisconsin. I have not been there but I discovered it when I was desperate to find a certain mustard we purchased on a visit to Germany. They have a store and sell just about every kind of mustard you can think of. The web page is mustardmuseum.com. Have fun.
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Whaaaattttt?! Be still my heart! I’ve already crossed the Spam Museum in Minnesota off my list. Had I known about this mustard museum in 2011, I’d have made the detour on my road trip for sure. Oh, well – just gives me another excuse to visit the midwest!
Thanks for the link, too. I’m in awe over everything sold in the store…
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” Hell, whenever I played Clue, I always chose the character of Colonel Mustard! If he was caught in the library with a candlestick, that was a real bummer.”
Bwhahahahhahaaha! Mark, you KILL ME, man! That was HYSTERICAL! And btw, I love the game Clue!
” And a dollop on a soft pretzel from the mall? Mmm. Divine.”
DIVINE is right! As you already know, soft pretzels and mustard are passion of mine, so I share your love of the condiment, mustard.
And WOW…that is some collection of mustard’s you have there!
“Dijon came first, thanks to the “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” television commercials that were so popular while growing up.”
LOVED that commercial!
And kosher dills? To me, it’s the ONLY way to eat a pickle!
As far as mustard goes, you’re not going to believe this, but my favorite mustard is plain-old French’s yellow mustard.
“What foods are you obsessed with?”
Let’s see, I’m obsessed with pasta, olives, garlic, cheese, York Peppermint Patties, Twizzlers, and dark chocolate, to name but a few.
Have a FAB weekend, buddy!
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Yes, I do believe your post about pretzels and mustard was somewhat inspirational in the idea behind this post, my friend. I just kind of assumed EVERYBODY liked their pretzel that way. How could you not?!
Nothin’ wrong with the plain old French’s yellow, either. It’s a classic for a reason, after all.
Love your obsessions, btw. Everything except the dark chocolate. I’m more of a milk chocolate fan myself.
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OK. I do use Hellmans for tuna and potato salad. But it has to be Hellmans.
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Which is Best Foods out here, right? I agree. Nothing beats that one. When Tara first moved in, she had the nerve to buy Kraft mayo. Ha! The kids and I nearly drove her out of town for that little transgression.
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I’m a bit obsessed with olives. We had a warm olive tray last night at a wine bar. Fabulous!
I’m with you in a love of mustard. My fave right now is stone ground mustard. It is fabulous with sharp white cheddar cheese and crackers. My husband likes what we call Stadium mustard (not sure if that’s a local thing or not?) on his hot dogs, but I prefer French’s classic.
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I love a good olive, especially one that is stuffed with something like bleu cheese or garlic. As for stadium mustard, they sell it out here, and I’ve bought some before. But I don’t know where the name comes from – it seems like fairly generic mustard to me. Which is to say, still delicious!
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Well I am sad to say I am NOT a condiment girl. I really don’t use much in the way of condiments at all. There are rare occasion but mustard is only used in cooking for me- never as a topper. I would have to say that only food I am really “obsessed” with is chocolate. Cliche right? But honestly I am all about trying all different types of food so I really dont fixate on one thing or another.
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Cliche or not, I get it. Who doesn’t love chocolate?!
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I put a honey/garlic mix mustard on asparagus. It is great and everyone thinks you spent the summer in France studying chef stuff. Swipe of mustard on boiled egg too.
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LOL. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m looking to impress some foodies.
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Like you, my new best friend is mustard. It has zero calories, zero fat – just some sodium. If you have enough room in your diet for a bit of sodium, you can go to town for flavor!
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I always have room in my diet for a bit of sodium.
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