I realized the other day that I’ll have some serious explaining to do if my laptop is ever confiscated. Take my recent Google search for teenage boys in dresses. That one would probably raise a few eyebrows, though – of course – it’s completely innocent. I was searching for a suitable image of Rusty’s homecoming outfit. A few of you thought that was an actual picture of him on my last post. Hate to burst your bubble, but I was merely trying to be funny. Rusty never even went to his homecoming dance.
Besides, if he had, he would have chosen something in a lacy chiffon instead.
Years ago, when I was writing my novel, I had similar concerns. I was Googling things like how do shoulder-fired rocket launchers work and how much dynamite would it take to kill twelve men. Yikes! It’s a wonder the FBI didn’t come a-knockin’ on my door.
(Should a novel that includes shoulder-fired rocket launchers and enough dynamite to take out a dozen men sound appealing, and because I haven’t pimped it in some time, you can buy my book here. And ladies, there is plenty of romance, too. And a female heroine. Though not once does she wear a lacy chiffon dress).
Speaking of Google searches, you know what I love? Autocomplete. You know, the search results Google suggests when you start to type in a word or phrase. Some of ’em are quite hilarious. Like this one.
How come if you’re dead, you’re still Googling? And is your inability to poop in any way related to your death? Bet you tossed and turned all night worrying about that. It’s no wonder you can’t find anybody to love you!
Sometimes for fun, I’ll just start typing in random phrases to see what pops up. My aunt likes giraffes. I decided to ask Google about them.
Damn selfish giraffes. They’re not even real! But if they were, they’d selfishly be gay, I’m sure.
Ever wonder why?
No matter what, you really have to question some people’s sanity.
I think the strangest thing on that list is accidentally buying Amazon Prime. That takes at least two mouse clicks and a valid credit card. It’s definitely more premeditated than the others.
Google is so helpful! I like how it tries to figure out what you meant even when you type in complete nonsense.
Gotta love technology! You know what else you gotta love? Let’s find out!
Russian flight attendants. Of course.
Mark Petruska 
OMG–this is hilarious–especially the googling person being dead! How to they come up with this shit?????? Seriously? What’s the deal? LOL
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
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I’ll admit, the paranormal aficionado in me is intrigued by that one. Could it be an actual spirit reaching out from beyond the grave to communicate via the Internet…?!
Nah. I suppose not. But it’s a great idea for a book, if one were so inclined to write one.
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That pic of Russian flight attendants is not accurate. These women(?) are part time sumo wrestlers.
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They probably could wrestle a bear into submission, and then celebrate with a bottle of vodka. Stereotypes be damned!
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The autocomplete stuff is funny…..I love it when I vaguely remember something I want to look up……but then autocomplete helps me. It makes me feel that I’m not alone in looking up nonsense…….
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Oh, there’s quite a bit of nonsense looking-up taking place, believe me!
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The real question here is why do fools fall in love. And why do we ask Google about it….
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For the same reason birds sing so gay, of course!
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Haha giraffes are gay.
My in – laws accidently purchased Amazon Prime. True story.
They had no idea until one day they got an $80 bill. They were PISSED.
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Oops. But, seriously…how does that happen?
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HILARIOUS post, Mark! The one that made me laugh the most was the one “How come I’m dead?”
“How come if you’re dead, you’re still Googling?
Bwhahahahahahahaha!
And I agree, giraffes LOOK gay!
Do you know what freaks me out about doing Google searches sometimes? I’ll be typing in something to search for and it actually KNOWS what I’m searching for with only a word or two. SCA-RY! I also use Google to search for the proper spelling when I’m not sure how to spell a word. I just type in the word and it auto-corrects!
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Didn’t you hear? The newest version of Google includes a mind-reading feature. So be careful what you’re thinking if you’ve got your laptop and are surrounded by a crowd…
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Oh search engine optimization and google! How I love/hate thee! Well, I wouldn’t worry too much. They say you’re not a real writer unless the TSA has you on a list. 😉
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No wonder I got that extra pat down the last time I boarded a plane…
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да !!
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144 squared! What do I win?
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A weekend with four Bulgarian TABSO Air Stewardesses. 😀
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Talk about flying the friendly skies.
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Haha I have seen posts like this on a few blogs and the results are always hilarious! I need to do one at some point! Some of the things I have run across really makes you scratch your head. And the teenage boy and a girl dress search out of context could definitely set off a few alarms. Be careful you dont wanna end up like the 7th heaven dad!
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No kidding! Never watched the show, but I heard the news. From now on, I’ll limit my searches to teenage girls in dresses!!
Wait…
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I am a google queen, true story. I love google. This was seriously funny. I suspect I type fast enough google never has the opportunity to do this to me, now I must play. Thank you for a new entertainment.
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Next time, type r e a l s l o w. And be sure to report back on your hilarious findings!
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Oh man, this gave me a good chuckle. Thank you!
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Glad I could make you laugh. Thanks for stopping by!
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