Gotta Love Russian Flight Attendants

I realized the other day that I’ll have some serious explaining to do if my laptop is ever confiscated. Take my recent Google search for teenage boys in dresses. That one would probably raise a few eyebrows, though – of course – it’s completely innocent. I was searching for a suitable image of Rusty’s homecoming outfit. A few of you thought that was an actual picture of him on my last post. Hate to burst your bubble, but I was merely trying to be funny. Rusty never even went to his homecoming dance.

Besides, if he had, he would have chosen something in a lacy chiffon instead.

Note: this is not Rusty.

Years ago, when I was writing my novel, I had similar concerns. I was Googling things like how do shoulder-fired rocket launchers work and how much dynamite would it take to kill twelve men. Yikes! It’s a wonder the FBI didn’t come a-knockin’ on my door.

(Should a novel that includes shoulder-fired rocket launchers and enough dynamite to take out a dozen men sound appealing, and because I haven’t pimped it in some time, you can buy my book here. And ladies, there is plenty of romance, too. And a female heroine. Though not once does she wear a lacy chiffon dress).

Speaking of Google searches, you know what I love? Autocomplete. You know, the search results Google suggests when you start to type in a word or phrase. Some of ’em are quite hilarious. Like this one.

Screenshot 2014-10-08 10.56.11

How come if you’re dead, you’re still Googling? And is your inability to poop in any way related to your death? Bet you tossed and turned all night worrying about that. It’s no wonder you can’t find anybody to love you!

Sometimes for fun, I’ll just start typing in random phrases to see what pops up. My aunt likes giraffes. I decided to ask Google about them.

Screenshot 2014-10-08 10.55.18

Damn selfish giraffes. They’re not even real! But if they were, they’d selfishly be gay, I’m sure.

Ever wonder why?

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No matter what, you really have to question some people’s sanity.

Screenshot 2014-10-08 11.12.09

I think the strangest thing on that list is accidentally buying Amazon Prime. That takes at least two mouse clicks and a valid credit card. It’s definitely more premeditated than the others.

Google is so helpful! I like how it tries to figure out what you meant even when you type in complete nonsense.

Screenshot 2014-10-08 11.24.11

Gotta love technology! You know what else you gotta love? Let’s find out!

Screenshot 2014-10-08 11.26.44

Russian flight attendants. Of course.




Published by Mark Petruska

I'm a professional writer and editor living my best life in south central Wisconsin.

24 thoughts on “Gotta Love Russian Flight Attendants

    1. I’ll admit, the paranormal aficionado in me is intrigued by that one. Could it be an actual spirit reaching out from beyond the grave to communicate via the Internet…?!

      Nah. I suppose not. But it’s a great idea for a book, if one were so inclined to write one.


  1. The autocomplete stuff is funny…..I love it when I vaguely remember something I want to look up……but then autocomplete helps me. It makes me feel that I’m not alone in looking up nonsense…….


  2. HILARIOUS post, Mark! The one that made me laugh the most was the one “How come I’m dead?”

    “How come if you’re dead, you’re still Googling?


    And I agree, giraffes LOOK gay!

    Do you know what freaks me out about doing Google searches sometimes? I’ll be typing in something to search for and it actually KNOWS what I’m searching for with only a word or two. SCA-RY! I also use Google to search for the proper spelling when I’m not sure how to spell a word. I just type in the word and it auto-corrects!


  3. Oh search engine optimization and google! How I love/hate thee! Well, I wouldn’t worry too much. They say you’re not a real writer unless the TSA has you on a list. 😉


  4. Haha I have seen posts like this on a few blogs and the results are always hilarious! I need to do one at some point! Some of the things I have run across really makes you scratch your head. And the teenage boy and a girl dress search out of context could definitely set off a few alarms. Be careful you dont wanna end up like the 7th heaven dad!


  5. I am a google queen, true story. I love google. This was seriously funny. I suspect I type fast enough google never has the opportunity to do this to me, now I must play. Thank you for a new entertainment.


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