You know you’ve been watching too much Dateline when a coworker is late and you automatically assume he has been murdered.
Granted, I wasn’t thinking this at 8:05. But by the time 10:30 rolled around and there was still no sign of Jake – a guy who is normally punctual to a fault – and calls to his cell phone were going straight to voicemail, my mind went to a very dark place.
He’s probably lying in a slowly congealing pool of blood on his living room floor, I messaged another coworker.
That’s ridiculous! she replied.
You’re right, I said. Most likely this crime occurred in the bedroom.
I’m not normally a morbid person. In fact, I pride myself on my optimism. But I’m not going to lie: I wasn’t wondering where Jake was, but rather, by which method he had met his untimely demise. I figured he had either been stabbed, shot, or strangled. I offered to text his cousin, with whom I am friends, but his supervisor said he “didn’t want to send anybody into a panic unnecessarily.”
“He’s two and a half hours late!” I said. “Rigor mortis has probably already set in. We really should do something. It’s not like he’s going to walk in the door five minutes from now and say he overslept.”
Five minutes later Jake walked in the door, saying he had overslept.
Somebody had egg on his face.
So, maybe I do have a problem. But at least I’m getting a good cardio workout. You know…jumping to conclusions…
In fact, I have been obsessed with true crime for as long as I can remember. Back in 1986 there was a made-for-television movie about Ted Bundy starring Mark Harmon, and man, I ate that shit up. Started reading Ann Rule books and learning as much as I could about serial killers. Silence of the Lambs helped stoke those embers further. I once called my cable company and begged them to add I.D. (Investigation Discovery) to my channel lineup. A year later, they actually did, and I was able to binge on forensics and true crime to my heart’s content.
And yeah, I have to get my weekly fix of Dateline. I like to praise the series for its production values and tightly crafted episodes brimming with suspense and Keith Morrison’s often-poetic dialogue, but when you get right down to it, I really just want to see who killed who and why.
So when another coworker said, “Hey, you like Dateline – check out the Serial Podcast,” I was all aboard. And I’m glad for the recommendation. I started listening this week and was instantly hooked. Let’s just say if you like true crime and murder mysteries, this podcast is right up your dark alley.
A word of warning, though: get hooked on it like I did, and the next time your coworker shows up late, you too might be asking yourself whether he was bludgeoned by a crowbar, tire iron or golf club…
Mark Petruska 
I can relate… I watch too much Criminal Minds. Because of it, all of my devices (including smartphone etc) have painters tape offer the camera, so no tech-savvy serial killers can monitor me that way.
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The tech savviness you suggest goes far beyond any I had ever visualized. Are you saying the criminal element may be watching me through my own camera lens??
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Please, please don’t let me be giving you my phobias.
But do you ever notice how many apps insist they need access to your device’s camera “without your knowledge or permission” and you can’t really imagine what they’d need that for? I do… and then I think of all the ways that could be abused in the wrong hands.
No, no. I’m sure I’m just a little too nutso about this stuff. Really.
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I hadn’t noticed before, no. But now that you mention it…
Great. Now I’M officially paranoid, too!
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Oops, I meant “OVER” the camera, not “OFFER” the camera. But I guess you figured that out.
I might need to cut the caffeine or something.
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” But at least I’m getting a good cardio workout. You know…jumping to conclusions…”
Sounds like me. I am also good at falling out of bed, running out of gas and jumping for joy.
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I sometimes climb the walls in frustration. Trust me, that takes real talent (not to mention a suction-like grip).
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And while you wait for Season Two of Serial Podcast, have a listen over at http://www.cbsrmt.com/ – Ah, the good ole nights, sitting up late alone in my bedroom wondering who done it or what the feck was really going on.
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Oh, cool! Another recommendation! Thanks…I’ll be sure to check this out.
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Serial podcast is really cool! And Dateline always makes me wonder about everyone. It always starts out with “They were the nicest couple…”
I see a mystery novel in your future!
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Yes! I joke about that all the time. Just once I would love it if they were interviewing the neighbor and he said, “I just KNEW Bob was going to kill somebody. That guy had murder written all over his face.” Makes me wonder why it’s always the seemingly normal people who commit the most violent crimes.
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I do find Dateline intriguing, but I don’t need my imagination stoked anymore than it already is.
The worst date of my life involved a co-worker who got drunk and high on our date and then never showed up at work the next day and everyone was on my ass about it (I was only 19 at the time).
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Whoa. Did he show up the day after the next day…or is he still missing? Do we need to have you go talk to Keith Morrison??
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The following day was a Saturday, so no. He showed up Monday, after having passed out for 36 hours or something and none of us knowing what had happened to him, pre-cell phone days. I was pissed that I never got an apology.
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Whew! OK, you’re off the hook. Go get your apology now…
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I’m so glad I’m not the only one…Ah, who am I kidding? My mom sits up late at night watching “murder porn,” (which is apparently a relaxing break from life with us!), and both my sister and I have long been fascinated with serial killers, detective shows, and forensic stuff. That Mark Harmon portrayal of Ted Bundy (in “The Stranger Beside Me”, I believe) ruined St Elsewhere for me. How could I watch him play a cute and carefree doc after he’d been such a convincing cute and carefree killer?!
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Actually, the TV movie with Mark Harmon was “The Deliberate Stranger.” “The Stranger Beside Me” is Ann Rule’s book about Ted Bundy – she actually worked beside him at a crisis hotline, which fueled her interest in true crime. Fascinating read!
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Yeah, I’ve read her book (I’ve read most of them), but couldn’t remember the name of the Mark Harmon movie. I’m old, ya know. :)~
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Mark “The Morbid” Petruska. Has a nice ring to it. 🙂
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It would make a great wrestling name, too!
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HA! yes it would. THAT is too funny.
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As I said on Facebook…….I LOVE the ID channel!! And Dateline! Give me some Lester Holt and Keith Morrison ANY day! In fact, if I’m murdered, I want Keith Morrison to investigate my murder and broadcast my story! Make sure he does that, would ya??
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I’ll see what I can do. Have you seen Bill Hader’s Keith Morrison impression on SNL? Pardon the pun, but it kills!
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Mark, I have never seen Dateline or the Serial podcast, but I too am fascinated with serial killers and what made/makes them do what they did/do, and Ted Bundy was one of them!
Silence of the Lambs.
The BEST!!!!!!!!! I own that film and will watch it several times in a year.
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“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
Is there a creepier line than that in any movie?! Definitely a great film. I haven’t seen it in years…it may be time for another dose of Hannibal Lecter! Because nothing screams “holidays” like fava beans and a nice Chianti.
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Forensic Files is a great show of this type. Peter Thomas has one of the world’s great voices, as narrator. After watching a few of these episodes, you’ll start to wonder how anyone can ever get away with murder. Are you listening OJ?
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Yes, I’ve seen some episodes – definitely entertaining. OJ benefited from an inept prosecution team as much as from a crack defense, I’d say. But Karma’s a bitch!
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Next time you’re ever out in Wisconsin, we can tour the area where Diane Borchardt lived! And take a drive on the creepiest of creepy roads which is ironically called Paradise Road. It’s totally full of people waiting to stab someone! 😉
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I’ll admit, I had to Google Diane Borchardt as the name did not ring a bell. But the case does. Can’t believe she hired her students! Count me in on a trip past her old homestead!
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I watch so many crime shows. Criminal minds anyone? But I gotta say I haven’t jumped on the podcast wagon just yet. It just doesn’t seem convenient since most of the time I am online I am supposed to be doing something else….
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I got into podcasts about a year ago, and generally listen to them when I’m driving in the car somewhere (to/from work or on a road trip). If I’m online, they’re too distracting. But I love Serial!
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