Put the “United” back in States

I woke up in the bluest state in America this morning. Washington, you see, is the new Oregon. The Beaver State has always had the edge in progressive liberalism, but we surpassed them last night. In Washington, the people spoke, and they said collectively, “let same-sex couples marry” and “make marijuana legal.” I supported bothContinue reading “Put the “United” back in States”

Where’s My Thrift Store Picasso?

Did you hear about the guy in Ohio who bought a Picasso print from a thrift store for $14, then discovered it wasn’t a reproduction after all but a genuine, original poster signed by the artist himself and turned around and resold it for $7000? This pisses me off. Because if anybody appreciates a goodContinue reading “Where’s My Thrift Store Picasso?”

Peaches for Tebow. Let’s Get This Done.

It’s been an amazing couple of weeks if you’re an NFL fan. Especially if you’re a Denver Broncos fan. And this is only the offseason. First came Manningwatch 2012. I haven’t seen the media this obsessed with somebody’s every move since a certain white Ford Bronco sped down a certain Los Angeles freeway lo these many yearsContinue reading “Peaches for Tebow. Let’s Get This Done.”

Walmart Therapy: I’d Rather Deal With Terrorists

While reading the newspaper yesterday, I came across a rather disturbing article. The Pentagon is turning to “Walmart therapy” to treat soldiers affected with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD is an anxiety disorder that occurs in people who experience traumatic events that involve the threat of injury or death. Like natural disasters, accidents, andContinue reading “Walmart Therapy: I’d Rather Deal With Terrorists”

ET Phone Home…and Bet on the Packers in ’67

I came across a news story the other day that talked about how these 47-year old television signals we had beamed into space are suddenly and mysteriously bouncing back to earth now. A group of astronomers in Puerto Rico made the discovery while searching for signs of intelligent life. Pretty cool, huh? The whole thingContinue reading “ET Phone Home…and Bet on the Packers in ’67”

Apple Juice With a Bacon Swizzle Stick

I miss apple juice. Or maybe it’s the idea of apple juice I miss. I just had a cup last week in the hospital. It was the first beverage I drank that actually had flavor following my surgery. After days of being hooked up to an IV and subsisting on nothing more than ice water, itContinue reading “Apple Juice With a Bacon Swizzle Stick”